Redditor banned after claiming he shoved an energy drink popsicle up his butt
A Redditor was experimenting with ways to re-invent the experience of drinking energy drinks by turning them into other things, leading him on path to eventually “boofing” a Monster popsicle.
Reddit can be a strange place sometimes. Like any other social media platform, it gives users a variety of ways to express themselves and an essentially infinite amount of possibilities with what they can post and discuss on the platform. And, despite controversy earlier in 2023, Reddit is still a massive platform.
One user by the name of Limp-D*ck_Calvin pushed his passion for energy drinks to the extreme on a subreddit dedicated to those whose love for energy drinks runs a bit beyond what most would normally feel.
He claims to have turned Monster into a popsicle to find a new form for his favorite energy drink, and was compelled to shove said popsicle up his butt to attain “maximum torque” and was banned a short time after telling his tale.
Redditor banned for eating energy drink popsicle with his butt
Calvin’s journey has been an enlightening one. The process of simply drinking an energy drink wasn’t enough for him, and he felt the need to innovate. Now, this isn’t exactly a new trend on the energy drinks subreddit, but Calvin’s act of turning Monster into a popsicle certainly caught some eyes.
Calvin posed the question of whether or not freezing Monster would “lower the efficacy” of the caffiene, claiming that he needed “maximum torque” and wanted to condense his energy drink into a raw popsicle form.
One Redditor replied, inspiring Calvin’s next venture:
“No it shouldn’t change the caffeine bioavailability or it’s effectiveness. Have you tried shoving the popsicle up your ***?”
Redditors were initially concerned for his health, but eventually started joking about him getting frostbite where the sun doesn’t shine.
“Got my next science fair project, thx. The Dangers of Boofing a Cold One: How Much Ice Does it Take to Cause Frostbite of the Colon?” one Redditor said, hopefully in jest.
Calvin would then go on to do the deed, explicitly detailing the process in a post that’d lead to his Reddit account getting deleted entirely. Here’s a small excerpt from his account:
“I felt like I was being possessed by a frost demon. However, I felt absolutely electrified. Like my blood was made of energy drink itself. I don’t know if it was the freezing cold, or the rapid absorption of caffeine through my colon, or both.”
Calvin also detailed the process with more detail than most probably wanted to read, concluding that he loved the final result and that he wants to do it regularly now.
“It’s been 3 hours since and I still feel like a thousand bucks. I feel like all my brain fog is gone and if I wanted to, I could teach myself how to do commercial real estate in like 6 hours of research. I feel like my brain is limitless.”
This post stayed up for a while, with Calvin himself editing the post to claim that he’d post a video of the act. However, his account was banned a short time after exchanges where he promised proof.
“I realize some of you might this is satirical, this is a completely serious post btw. I actually did this. Let me know if you guys want me to post an update with pictures for proof.” Calvin claimed.
“Yeah, I filmed it and sent it to my group chat. I can just take some screenshots and blur out my face and a**hole and post it.” he continued. Someone was curious as to why he felt the need to blur his butt, with Calvin replying, “I don’t want anyone to figure out my identity.”
We don’t recommend or condone recreating any of the actions described by Calvin.
