Mori Calliope might be one of Hololive’s biggest names now — and has a very outgoing on-stream attitude — but the English VTuber wasn’t always like this. She opened up to fans about the “anxiety” she had when she started streaming, and how she overcame it.
Her legion of “deadbeats” — the name she’s given to her fanbase — love everything she does from rapping on stream, to playing Jump King (with mixed results), and even cooking. However, it’s this love from her community that has allowed her to come out of her shell since joining Hololive.
In a candid speech during her Christmas stream, Calli explained how she said she would not have the same level of motivation to stream and create content if she didn’t have her fans by her side.
“I really respect people who can stream to like 3 people at a time,” she said.
“I imagine myself streaming without my deadbeats and I feel like I could still do it, but it’s just the truth that you guys just give me purpose. I’m not going to lie to you guys and say ‘I could do it if absolutely no one was watching.’
“When I think about seeing you guys get so excited, envisioning your smiles, and seeing your hearts in the chat, it makes me want to work harder. That’s the truth.”
Calli added her “deepest wish” is to “keep having fun” with her deadbeats on stream, no matter what that looks like.
There is a good reason for it too: she feels like the support she gets, no matter what she does, gives her the freedom to stream what she wants. There’s no obligation to stick onto one schedule — Calli can explore with her streams (which she does quite frequently) and just have fun creating content.
“I didn’t really like streaming very much in the beginning to be completely honest. It made me feel anxious all the time and made me sad because I felt like I was failing all the time and I already had so many self-esteem issues,” she admitted.
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“But you guys really helped make me feel better, and now I love streaming, and you guys encourage me to do what I love. Now I’m just streaming games that I love and streaming content I like making.”
From her small beginnings, Calli has finally found confidence in herself, and a purpose to keep going live: “I started off with a weird relationship with streaming, but now I love it. I want to do it more.”