Baldur’s Gate 3 decides that Astarion is canonically stupid

Theo Burman
Baldurs gate 3 crazy skill check

One of Baldur’s Gate 3’s most popular companions has had his head analysed, and the results are clear: the guy’s brain is smooth.

Astarion has been a fan-favorite party member ever since Baldur’s Gate 3 was first released. He’s become one of the most recognizable characters in gaming in a very short amount of time, and voice actor Neil Newbon was even nominated for best performance at this year’s Game Awards.

It’s gotten to the point where Astarion makes up a majority of all Baldur’s Gate fanfiction, all on his own. Players are drawn to his personality and backstory as a vampire spawn, and his narrative only gets stronger as the game progresses.

It’s just as well people don’t necessarily love Astarion for his brain power, because, as some players have been discovering, he’s confirmed to have a very smooth brain in the lore of Baldur’s Gate 3.

Astarion canonically has a smooth brain in Baldur’s Gate 3

In a post on the Baldur’s Gate 3 subreddit, one player showed off some dialogue that revealed just how smart Astarion really is.

The narration reads: “Astarion’s sweet brain may be a bit less wrinkled than the rest, but you hunger for its teasing cells.”

Setting aside the dramatic mindflayer obsession with eating his brain, it’s clear that Astarion isn’t really the sharpest tool in camp- though to be fair, the Baldur’s Gate 3 companions have about three brain cells combined, and Lae’zel usually gets to use them.

Several players thought the description was pretty accurate, with one commenter saying: “Honestly, I’ve always just seen Astarion as not that smart. I love him to death and think he’s one of the best-written characters in the game, but he’s making huge mistakes because he’s a desperate animal fighting for his life while backed into a corner.”

For more news and updates on Baldur’s Gate 3, check out this player’s bizarre experience in the new Honor Mode added in Patch 5.

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