NIJISANJI star Vox Akuma has opened up on his mental health struggles again after cutting a recent ASMR stream short. The VTuber is taking a little break, and promises fans he will “go back to a time where it felt fun and energetic and relaxing to watch me”.
Vox Akuma is NIJISANJI’s biggest English VTuber, cresting the 1 million subscriber mark in a rapid rise that has seen the agency explode in popularity in the west. He has used that audience to promote wider messages, such as his struggles behind the scenes with mental health.
The Luxiem star came forward with his ADHD and PTSD diagnoses in late October, exposing a very vulnerable side of the often-cool and collected streamer. He went into slight detail about abuse he had faced in the past, and how speaking out about his health helps break down the stigma around it for others.
Vox put on a brave face in the weeks since, but got overwhelmed in a recent ASMR stream on November 15, cutting the broadcast short. Fans were concerned about the star who tweeted out “something about that last scene wasn’t working, I couldn’t figure out what to say and I’m having a panic attack” afterwards.
After being flooded with a wave of support, he opened up a bit more on November 17 about what happened, and how he will be taking it easy as he tries to readjust.
I feel much better, I’ve been relaxing a lot,” he stated on Twitter. “The fact of the matter is what happened on Tuesday, it was an eyeopener.
“Being a streamer and a public figure means if you do have a problem one day and things do go badly, there’s no way of hiding it, especially in a situation like that ASMR which was a tight production and I needed to make it work in some way. When I do stream again I’ll tell you about specific aspects of it that didn’t work for me and what made me panic in that moment.”
That’s the operative indicator though: when he will stream again. Vox had a packed schedule for this week, but is putting it on the sidelines for now and playing by ear on when he will return. He is starting his first round of medication next week, and he wants to avoid the “nightmare” of coming back too soon.
“I’m waking up to the fact I’m putting way too much pressure on myself. I don’t take all the stuff in my life as an excuse to do any worse than I normally would, but it’s starting to take a real toll on me. Once I’m on the path to recovery then I’ll come back to streaming in my normal capacity.”
He also wants to get his stream back to a place where it’s a comfortable, safe space for people to forget about their worries, rather than being exhausted with intimate details of his health. Once he has the right frame of mind again, that’s when he’ll return properly.
“When I got into this business I wanted to be a form of escapism for people, but because I’ve been so unable to avoid my own problems I’ve been reminding people how stressful and sad real life can be.
“I feel bad for that, and I want to go back to a time where it felt fun and energetic and relaxing to watch me, and that starts with me. I need to get better first before I can start doing that again. I’m going to play it by ear, see how I feel, and I hope in the meantime you’ve been doing well.”