Mizkif reveals why battle with depression almost ended streaming career - Dexerto

Mizkif reveals why battle with depression almost ended streaming career

Published: 6/Jan/2020 23:41

by Andrew Amos


Matthew ‘Mizkif’ Rinaudo has opened up about his mental health, with the streamer revealing depression almost cut his streaming career short.

Mizkif is one of Twitch’s biggest personalities, shooting up in popularity over the last 12 months. However, as he was starting to hit big numbers, he almost cut short his career in the platform after a long battle with depression.

Instead of shying away from the conversation, Mizkif opened up to his viewers, and why everyone who needs help should get it as soon as they can.

Twitch: MizkifMizkif painted out his struggles with mental health for his viewers, urging people to seek help if they need to.

The streamer had a heart-to-heart with his chat on January 6 about his visit to a psychiatric ward, the lowest point of his life, and how he dug himself out of a hole with a solid support group.

He described himself as being “in a really bad state” throughout the middle of 2019, and that he had to put on an act just to stream every day.

“When I went to the ward, I made it seem a lot easier — it was hard getting out of the ward,” he said. “For July, August, and September, I put on such an act on stream that I was happy when I was miserable.”

“I’d get off stream and I wouldn’t talk,” he continued. “One time I picked Maya up from the airport after not seeing her for a month, and I didn’t say a single word for 45 minutes because I didn’t have the energy and I didn’t want to talk. It was such a weird experience with me and Maya, and I felt terrible.”

For Mizkif, he thought those three months would spell the end of his stream. He didn’t have the energy or the desire to stream, and he shelved any concerns others had about his own health.

“I actually thought it was the end of my streaming career,” he said. “I thought it was the end because I didn’t think I had it in me anymore, or the energy to keep going. I went ‘I feel like this is where I take a break and quit streaming.’

“I have never been that low in my life, and I think a lot of people noticed that I was going live for the sake of going live and not because I wanted to.”

He was open about how hard it was to open up to others when he brushed off his own issues. While he thought it didn’t matter, things only got worse. 

“After playing marbles [on stream], listening to the same 10 songs every day, with no friends, I saw a decline in my mental health but I said to myself ‘just keep going because it doesn’t f**king matter,’ but that was so dumb.

“I let it keep falling, and that’s what f**ked me up. It just kept getting worse as time went on, and I just didn’t do anything. So many people, especially Synack, told me to go to a psychologist, go to a therapist, go do something, and I didn’t listen to them.”

After crashing to his “lowest point” in July, he’s on the way up. He’s found a solid support structure thanks to his good friends, his girlfriend Maya, and his therapist.

“The therapist and taking pills made [my mental health] go up a lot more,” he said. “That’s where you want to be in life, you want to be going up.

“I would say I’m happy, and I haven’t been this happy in a while.”

With the pieces in place, the American Just Chatting star is ready to take on Twitch in 2020. He capped off 2019 by reaching 300,000 followers with “the best streams [he’s had],” and it’s only going to go up.


If you are dealing with depression, there is help available for you. You can contact one of the free support lines below to get advice and counselling in times of need.

  • USA: 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)
  • UK: 116 123 (Samaritans)
  • Australia: 13 11 14 (Lifeline)

Wendy Williams explains why she “doesn’t feel sorry” for Charli D’Amelio

Published: 24/Nov/2020 18:06

by Jacob Hale


Popular U.S. TV host Wendy Williams has hit out at TikTok star Charli D’Amelio, after the 16-year-old went on Instagram Live in tears over backlash she had received in her race to 100 million followers.

After an offhand joke about reaching 100 million followers on TikTok, fans deemed Charli “ungrateful” for her success so far and started unfollowing her in droves, losing over 500,000 before her numbers started looking up again and she finally reached the monumental number.

While there was a lot of discussion online about the death threats Charli had received and her treatment by fans and critics alike, the resounding message was that she was being treated unfairly.

Making her opinion on the matter known, however, was American TV host Wendy Williams of The Wendy Williams Show.

Charli D'Amelio instagram photo
Instagram: charlidamelio
Charli has reached 100 million followers on TikTok, but not without some controversy in the run-up to the big moment.

Discussing the hottest topics of the weekend just gone, Wendy was shown several of Charli’s videos, with the situation broken down and explained to her — and she wasn’t impressed.

After finding out what had gone down, and watching the video of a tearful Charli asking for people to stop with the abuse, Wendy made her stance very clear.

“I don’t see any tears,” Williams exclaimed. “Because the drama, these TikTokers, these children these days, they live for the drama.”

The host added she “doesn’t feel sorry” for D’Amelio, especially since she’s probably already gotten the followers back she lost “and then some.”

Topic starts at 25:45.

Wendy did offer a little more advice though when it was suggested that Charli should be a little more grateful.

“No!” she said, before advising Charli to “stay ungrateful and collect those checks!”

So, while Wendy doesn’t seem to be buying the drama, she clearly has some level of respect for Charli’s hustle and ability to “collect those checks” — but suggests the backlash comes hand-in-hand with the success.

The recent controversy surrounding her has clearly hit the younger D’Amelio sister hard, but maybe her being “ungrateful” is, as Williams suggested, just what the internet wanted all along.