FaZe Clan Owner Nordan ‘Rain’ Shat has been incredibly transparent about his fight against anxiety and mental illness in the past.
On July 26, Rain, one of the main owners of FaZe Clan, uploaded a video on YouTube discussing why he has taken a break from the platform, along with how his battle against mental illness almost reached a breaking point in April of 2018.
When discussing the wealth that he has generated in his time as a YouTuber, Rain mentioned that money is not a ‘cure’ for all the problems that he has dealt with in his mind since he was younger, even though some of his viewers may think otherwise.
“I really wish making money would helo me get over the feelings I’ve had my whole life, but it hasn’t. Maybe it will for you, but it didn’t for me. Money fixed some problems […] It’s not about that. Of courrse everyone could use extra money and, like, help people in their lives and everything, but it’s not the cure for me […] It’s not going to get rid of my anxiety, get rid of my depression – it’s not going to do that.
Rain would later go on to discuss how he did not want to ‘cater’ to the way he thought YouTube wanted him to be in his videos, and that it was ‘demotivating’ that the platform started to change their guidelines.
“It was just that they wouldn’t show any of my videos anymore and YouTube become way more controlled, so it was very demotivating for me. I’ve been doing this shit since I was 11 years old., man […] I don’t know what the reason was – I think VapeLordNord – maybe because I swear too much, maybe because I’m not family friendly, but I’m not going to change who I am just for YouTube…”
However, after he decided to take a step back from Youtube, Rain reveals that he had a mental breakdown in April of 2018 which landed him in a hospital for a couple of days, along with being placed in a ‘psych ward.’
“Come April, mid-April, I had my worst mental breakdown, like, of all time. I went through them pretty much every other day, if not every day. Some shit happened, I’m not going to lie. Self-harm shit. Ended up in a hospital for a few days, and then i ended up in a psych ward […] I was around so many people going through problems one hundred times worse than I had.”
The full video can be viewed below.